Abuse

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October is National Domestic Abuse Awareness month.  We know that there are different types of abuse:  physical, verbal, emotional, psychological.  Most times the victim is the woman and the abuser is the man.  There are some cases when it is the reverse.  Either way, abuse is hateful, hurtful and should have no place in any relationship.

What does the Word of God say about abuse?  Well, first of all, husbands are called to love their wives as themselves.  "After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—  for we are members of his body (Ephesians 5:28, NIV).  A man is to love his wife as the Lord loves the church which are members of His body.  

Our bodies are temples in which dwells the Holy Spirit whom we have from God (1 Corinthians 6:19).  Our bodies are not our own so we have no business abusing them or abusing other people's bodies.  No one has the right to abuse anyone.  

In marriage, the husband and wife are one.  They are one flesh.  Adam said of Eve, “This is now bone of my bones  and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man” (Genesis 2:23).  A man is supposed to love his wife just as Christ loves the church and sacrificed Himself for her.  A man must love his wife as he loves himself (Ephesians 5:33).

Husbands are told to love their wives and not to be harsh with them (Colossians 3:19). This means no verbal or physical abuse.  No belittling or putting down or demeaning.  Words can be just as or sometimes more painful than physical blows.  

Although I cannot imagine why anyone would do this, we are told, "Do not envy the violent or choose any of their ways" (Proverbs 3:31).  

Too often victims of abuse and domestic violence feel guilty and shame.  They feel as if they are to blame for what is happening to them and this couldn't be further from the truth.  The abuser is the one who should be experiencing self-recrimination for causing emotional, physical and psychological harm to someone they are supposed to love.

When a person abuses another they are not only sinning against their victim but against God.  God will protect the victim but He will give what the perpetrator what they deserve.  "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.  

Victims of abuse are not alone although at times it might seem as if they are.  God is there and He will deliver them from their situation.  There is help and support out there.  If you are in an abusive relationship or marriage or know someone who is, reach out to domestic, family violence or community resources in your area.

Here are ways you can help a victim of domestic violence:

1. Make Time for Them
2. Start a Conversation
3. Listen Without Judgment
4. Learn the Warning Signs
5. Believe Domestic Violence Victims
6. Validate the Victim's Feelings
7. Offer Specific Support for Your Loved One
8. Help Form a Safety Plan

Make sure you don't blame the victim.  They already get that from the abuser.  Don't bash the abuser.  Instead, focus on the behavior.  Don't underestimate the danger to the victim or even to yourself.  Don't provoke the abuser.  Don't promise any help the victim which you can't follow through with.  Don't pressure the victim to leave.  Try to be mindful of the reasons why they stay.  Don't judge.  You don't know what you would do if you were in their situation.  Be patient and supportive.  If the person is a Christian, offer to pray with them and share with them Bible verses which may help them.  

Remember those who are in prison, as though in prison with them, and those who are mistreated, since you also are in the body - Hebrews 13:3.  Christians and non-Christians alike should empathize with the suffering of others.  

Sources:  Bible Info; Very Well Mind